I walk around in this perfect envision of myself,

Always getting things right,

Perfecting things step by step till its completely finished.

 

Analyzing every word I say,

Think before I speak,

Is something I do.

 

I sit with friends,

While conservations go on around me,

Waiting for the right moment to say something,

Anything,

Instead I just stay silent.

 

I stay silent,

Where my voice cannot be heard for a million miles,

Where no one knows what I am really feeling inside.

 

I stay silent,

Until I am back in my room,

Having tears streaming down my face,

While writing my feelings down in my diary.

 

I keep going on like this,

Day after day,

Knowing I am not telling the whole truth to my friends.

 

I keep living in this state,

Of putting others before myself,

Knowing that my true raw feelings will never come out.

 

I am not sure why I do this,

Why I keep everything trapped inside my ribs, my soul,

Just waiting to be let out.

 

Why don’t I just let it out?

 

Why can’t I decide,

To tell someone my true secrets,

Get attached,

Is it because I am afraid of abandonment?

 

Is it because I am afraid of being left on the side of the road?

Yes,

Definitely,

I am afraid to say words that truly mean something,

Inside I write them down in my poetry.

 

That is what I do,

But I would like to be raw and vulnerable.

 

I would like to expose myself,

Keep telling that guy my feelings,

And my deepest darkest secrets,

Not runaway after I said I love you.

 

I was too scared,

So I ran away,

I didn’t let myself fall down into his arms,

He did care for me.

 

He understood who I am,

And got under my skin.

 

I want that again,

But the truth is,

I am scared.

 

I have to conquer that fear,

So I can start living life being vulnerable.