I wish could wash away the black pain seen in my gold tears coming down my face as I packed up my suitcase, said goodbye to friends, and said goodbye to the holy land that I called home for the last five months.

I wish I could stop crying while people waved goodbye, while I stepped on that plane back to America, where bridges were tall, where people lived in houses, where people are rude, I wish I could wash away the black sword still in my heart.

I wish I could find a way to put a smile on my face, to tell people I’m okay when I’m really not, I wish I could find a way to make America my home again, but it doesn’t feel like my home anymore.

America is this dark scary place where my family lives, where people hide their Jewish costumes, where Trump sends back immigrants every day, it used to be the land, hope, and freedom, but now only darkness swears this land.

No white princess has walked this land in ten years, we are not fighting our voices to be heard, we must speak up more than ever to tell the world we will never stop fighting for freedom.

Israel fought for freedom for years through wars, in their pink hearts, they were warriors, these stories live in the black history books seen in shelves, in children’s brains, in the soldiers who fight day in and day out, they fight for freedom and peace.

I wish this could be the story of America, the truth is, it is, our founding fathers fought for our nation to be united, to live in a democracy, where every person has the right to vote, but the truth is, there is freedom in the world that we must look for, we must find what makes us free.

The pain and agony that I feel right now is, I don’t feel free, I feel trapped inside a black door telling me to runaway telling me to keep crying, I wish I could put a smile on my face.

I wish I could smell the flowers, write a long curvy letter to my friends telling them that everything is fine, I can no longer lie in black tears, I have to tell the golden truth.

I know that someday I will be able to wash away the pain, but for right now I must find a way to no longer hide inside my black tears, I have to wear my hamsa proud and find a way to tell the world that I love being Jewish.