Each step I take along this ever painful journey I call life, every step i take as long this journey along my red sharp pain escalating in my black spine, I try to stay a little bit stronger, a little bit more courageous knowing I will no longer live with this anagonizing pain of not finding a solution, no longer live with this pain of always stepping two feet back instead of stepping forward.

I keep hoping, I keep putting on a strong brave face praying with all my emunah that I will find some way to put forth my faith in myself, my G-d, my family, to find some way to stay a little bit stronger each day to find a solution.

I keep praying hoping someday I will hear those words out of that doctor’s mouth telling me we have found a solution back to a life with no pain, a life where I can start actually smiling, actually have the right to say yes to things i love to no longer felt held back by this red sharp shooting pain instead I hope I find some way to find a way to stay strong through this red sharp shooting pain.

I hope to take each step forward inside this red gushing pain always holding me back from living out my dreams, I really hope I can find a way living my life where my pain of my red beating heart always beats faster shows the fight i fight to love myself to find a partner that completes that love to find a solution where i am no longer just a patient inside I am that fighting individual so sure that she has found her solution she is no longer fighting to stay alive or stronger she is just being herself.